“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
My first baby arrived in December 2019. My baby boy was 10 pounds, nursing well, and had the sweetest cheeks to kiss. We lived in utter bliss for the first few weeks.
But two weeks in, I started yelling at my husband. I’d nurse the baby before we all 3 went to sleep, and he would ask how he could help. My response? Screaming at the top of my lungs.
I had no idea why I was screaming, but I couldn’t stop. I was so angry at him for reasons I struggled to pinpoint. I despised him and blamed him for everything, from the dishes sitting too long to the cat meowing.
Looking back, I realized it was because I had properly dealt with the trauma of his birth. Although he was healthy and a complete blessing, my emergency c-section weighed heavily on me — more so than I originally thought. I was mad at my doctors, myself, and God for my birth experience. But my husband was the one being yelled at.
It wasn’t too long before he approached me apprehensively. His eyes were drowning in fear.
“I think you have postpartum rage, and I need you to get help.”
As moms, our mental health struggles are often buried beneath scheduling kids activities and meal planning. We hide from our trauma, our worries, and our thoughts. We push our fears and anxieties down until we don’t remember them. Nevertheless, our bodies still sense them.
I was angry at the way my birth turned out, so I channeled my anger towards my husband instead. My body still felt my rage, and God did too.
Have you ever approached God apprehensively to tell him what you need?
Sometimes I don’t feel right telling God what I need. It feels bossy on my end.
He created me, and He obviously knew what mental illnesses my brain would hold when He did create me. I was intimidated. How could I go to Him in prayer and beg for my illness to fade? Did I truly believe He could end my mental health struggles overnight?
I chatted with him until I grew uneasy and spit it out: “Make me stop being angry. Amen.”
I’d be lying if I said my postpartum rage stopped overnight, but it did stop. I found a local therapist who shared my Christian values, much to my pleasant surprise. I worked hard for weeks to identify my anger triggers.
But one day? After it gradually faded, I woke up one day consumed by peace.
John 16:33 reads, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
God knows what’s in your mind as much as He knows what’s on your heart. He knows the anxieties, the fears, and the worries that come with being an overwhelmed mom in this world.
Still, He grants peace when you ask. I didn’t have peace until I searched for it in Him and until I admitted, even though it was hesitantly, that I needed Him to help overcome my postpartum anger.
What do you need to overcome this week? How can you apprehensively approach God and ask for His peace?
About Riley:
Riley is the the creative mind behind Motherhood is A Ministry. This ministry seeks to educate and encourage moms about postpartum mood disorders and maternal mental health. Our goal is to help you understand these topics and eliminate the clinical talk. As moms, our time is precious and our free time is limited. We create quick, easy-to-digest content and affordable products that either teaches or uplifts the mom who is reading.